Ryan mighty?

Can somebody who starts one match in three ever be considered the best player in the Premier League?

The answer, apparently, is yes, after Ryan Giggs won the PFA Player of the Year award despite appearing in Alex Ferguson's starting XI just 12 times this season.

Has Giggs been more influential than Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Phil Neville or even Titus Bramble? Of course not.

This is a lifetime achievement award by another name, voted for by players who had just seen countless replays of his admittedly sumptuous goal against West Ham.

The argument for Giggs is that this represents fair reward for his body of work. He is one of the best players of the last 20 years and certainly the most decorated, so what better way to celebrate his continued influence than with a big tin pot?

The anti-Giggs lobby can point to the fact that he has hardly played. Which, you might imagine, must count against him.

Andrei Arshavin has every chance of making more Premier League starts than Giggs despite spending fewer taxable days in the UK than Lewis Hamilton.

And as for the lifetime achievement award, Giggs might have longevity but ED does not remember him being a serious contender for one of these PFA awards before.

The perennial contenders from United were always Eric Cantona, David Beckham, Roy Keane, Ruud van Nistelrooy and Peter Schmeichel.

But not Giggs. Not even in that dark period around the turn of the millennium when United had no serious domestic opposition and a decrepit Teddy Sheringham won the PFA award.

Clearly the baffling custom of announcing the awards with a month of the season still to play (and polling the players several weeks before that) has had an effect on proceedings.

If the voting were held back until the end of the season, would Nemanja Vidic have been nominated for Player of the Year ahead of Frank Lampard? Or Gabriel Agbonlahor nominated for Young Player ahead of Theo Walcott?

And the team of the season would certainly not contain Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka, who has gone staler than a week-old baguette since Big Phil got the push.

Ashley Young's victory in the Young Player category is so 2008, they might as well have picked Duffy.

If the vote were being taken at the end of the season, is there any doubt that Stephen Ireland would have won?

'Complex' personality aside, the Irishman has been by far Manchester City's most consistent and influential player.

There would be an almighty clamour for Fabio Capello to call him up if he were English. And if he hadn't retired from international football following Grannygate.

Does it really matter though? The PFA award does not claim to be some objective measure of performance.

The players have been asked for their footballer of the year and they have expressed a preference. If you don't like their choice, tough. Become a Premier League player and vote for someone else.

Source: Eurosport

All hail the Ginger Prince

Paul Scholes played his 600th game for Manchester United last night. Yet all Early Doors can do is wonder why he is nearly 200 behind Ryan Giggs, who has chugged on to 799.

Whatever ED's landmark-related gripes, there is no doubt that United's older players have contributed enormously to the club, which has rightly treated them well in return.

Nobody would argue that Scholes, Gary Neville and Ryan Giggs are automatic first-team selections or that they are the players they were at their peak. Yet their value remains.

Anderson had a superb game against Portsmouth last night. It is impossible to quantify how much he benefits from Scholes's example - both his attitude and the extraordinary natural ability that allows him to ping 80 yard balls at team-mates taking a leak by the side of the pitch in training and whack them on the back of the head.

Compare that to Arsenal, where players over 30 are treated as damaged goods and begrudgingly offered a one-year contract and a Zimmer frame. Even if they are Dennis Bergkamp.

Watching Denilson get outmuscled against Chelsea and Liverpool, it was impossible not to wonder how much more savvy and steely the Brazilian might be had Patrick Vieira tutored him through the early years of his career.

Despite his penchant for abysmally-timed, leg-breaking tackles, there is nobody more respected by his fellow professionals than Scholes, yet he retains his complete antipathy towards and the perks of being a superstar footballer. Like money.

In 2005 when Rio Ferdinand (recently returned from an eight-month ban for missing a drug test) was haggling over the details of his bumper £100,000-a-week* contract, United quietly got Scholes in and the midfielder duly signed the first piece of paper that was put in front of him.

The problem was, Scholes's deal was worth only £70,000-a-week*. Not a bad wage, admittedly, but over £1 million less than Ferdinand took home every year, and all because Rio is a greedy beggar with a ball-breaking agent.

If it were up to Early Doors, and this statement alone probably proves why it is not, Scholes would always be the highest player at his club.

What better way to reward loyalty than to take the man with no agent, no PR machine and no interest in negotiation and give him £200,000 every week?

Want to get top dollar, Rio? Sack your agent, stop funding violent gangster movies while simultaneously campaigning against knife crime, shut down your preposterous lifestyle magazine and get your bloody head down.

*These figures have been plucked out of a tabloid newspaper at best, or thin air at worst.

Source: Eurosport

Send in the clowns

The two best managers in English football have lost their marbles. There is no other conclusion to draw from the weekend's FA Cup semi-finals.

Between them, Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger have won the Premier League 13 times in its 16 years of existence, and have seen their sides lift the FA Cup on nine occasions.

They are the men responsible for bringing to these shores such players as Schmeichel and Vieira, Ronaldo and Henry.

They are revered around the world for their tactical nous, their ability to spot a talent and for their well-judged, inspirational team-talks.

So why is it that Manchester United and Arsenal would both have been better off with a feral cat sitting in the dugout at Wembley?

We will start with United, the cause of whose demise is slightly easier to pinpoint - Fergie's selection of a group of players so infantile they looked like they should have been extras in a Danny Boyle movie or competing in an Olympic diving event.

Is it Early Doors, or are kids getting younger?

When Alan Hansen uttered the immortal words "you'll win nothing with kids" in August 1995, he was referring to the likes of David Beckham, Paul Scholes and Gary Neville who had all celebrated their 20th birthday.

Now it seems you have to bear significant physical similarities to a foetus before anyone even considers you to be young.

United's comical team that lost on penalties to Everton contained the barely-shaving likes of Danny Welbeck, Rafael and Fabio da Silva (all 18) and Federico Macheda (17).

Goodness only knows why Fergie did it, but ED suspects it is because he - like most United fans - is willing to sacrifice almost anything to ensure Liverpool do not win the Premier League.

You would never get him to admit it, but for Ferguson Wednesday's game against Portsmouth is more important than both the Everton semi-final and last week's Champions League semi-final in Porto.

It is less easy to accuse Wenger of wilful negligence, as his selections of Emmanuel Eboue and Lukasz Fabianski - aka Dumb and Dumber - were dictated by injuries rather than megalomania.

However, Wenger's decision to drop the brilliant Andrei Arshavin so he could deploy Denilson as some bizarre midfield hatchet man must rank among his worst as Arsenal boss.

True, Arsenal could have done with a Patrick Vieira-style enforcer, but they simply do not have such a player. Accordingly, they should just pick the best of what they do have, and Denilson is most definitely not that.

It is not that Denilson is a better tackler than Arshavin or the equally snubbed Samir Nasri; he is just so much worse at everything else that his defensive deficiencies appear less glaring.

Time and again he was left for dead by Frank Lampard and Michael Essien, clutching hopelessly at a blue shirt that was long gone.

And whenever he did get on the ball he might as well have put a little bow on it and formally presented it to a Chelsea player.

His best contribution was when the red mist descended and he pushed referee Martin Atkinson in the chest, but the official disappointed Gooners everywhere by only showing a yellow card.

While Ferguson and Wenger compiled their catalogue of errors, Guus Hiddink and David Moyes emerged triumphant by doing the little things right; little things like picking Didier Drogba instead of Miroslav Stoch and not deploying Tony Hibbert as a creative midfielder.

And when all was said and done, the grand old men of English football did the decent thing and accepted where responsibility lay - with the Wembley pitch.

Wenger called it "laughable" while Ferguson said it was "dead" and even blamed it for his team selection, adding: "When I saw the pitch what I didn't want was to go into extra time with my strongest squad."

Source: Eurosport

Back with a bang

Forty yards. Sixty-five miles per hour. Two numbers that have restored Cristiano Ronaldo's reputation.

The sixth-minute howitzer from the Portuguese in the 1-0 win at Porto that has sent Manchester United into a semi-final against Arsenal has suddenly put his 'poor season' into context. The revised opinion is now 'Yes, he's had a poor season, but he scored a nice goal'.

When the shortlist for PFA Player of the Year was announced, there was much consternation over the fact that five of the six on the list were United players, with some even declaring that it was C-Ron who was least deserving of his place.

Mind you, most of those names can be picked at - Edwin van der Sar can only take partial credit for his clean sheet record, votes were cast before Nemanja Vidic's recent meltdown, Ryan Giggs getting the votes for body of work rather than this year.

Despite still regularly getting on the scoresheet - although his strike last night was only his second in Europe - there have still been regular complaints about Ronaldo's body language and attitude.

However, now that the big games are starting to come thick and fast, he looks interested again, and the same can be said for the team as a whole.

United had gone over a month without a convincing victory - since their 4-0 hammering of Fulham in the FA Cup - but their stubborn performance at the Estadio do Dragao was as nervous as Arsenal's against Villarreal was emphatic.

The Gunners - another side who have been revitalised recently - were busy putting an admittedly weakened Villarreal to the sword to set up a fixture that has helped define the Premier League era but has so far evaded the European arena.

Not so long ago, the demise of Arsene Wenger's scout troop was all but confirmed. Not enough experience, not enough strength, not enough execution were all common criticisms levelled at them.

The arrival of Andrei Arshavin and the return to fitness of Cesc Fabregas have helped the youthful side click into gear, and the Gunners are now bringing sexy back as only they know how, embodied by Theo Walcott's early chip. He must have been getting pointers from Carlos Vela.

Chelsea and Barcelona have also both had their blips this season, and look well capable of maintaining top form until the end of the season.

The fact that once again we have three English teams in the semi-finals, guaranteeing at least one in the final for the fifth year running, does take the exotic sheen off the competition somewhat, but it's probably best to enjoy this phase while it lasts.

The cynical approach going into this week's second legs - though there was none around these parts, of course - has been truly cast aside, and all can look forward to two cracking semi-final ties.

- - -

One London-based freesheet worked itself into a right lather when it gleefully reported where and how Chelsea's players celebrated eliminating Liverpool on Tuesday.

The IQ-sapping rag slapped a picture of Frank Lampard on the front page, telling of how he was seen out with a 'mystery brunette' (don't worry guys, no doubt a publicist will be in touch soon enough).

If that wasn't enough, there was also much excitement over the amounts of cash shelled out by the players, although why we need to know that Lamps spent £2,500 on dinner and drinks at Boujis or that Didier Drogba's table drank five grands-worth of champagne and vodka is anyone's guess.

It makes you wonder how much Ledley King must have spent to get in the state he did following Tottenham's Carling Cup victory last season.

- - -

In another piece of shameless celebrity-based tittle-tattle that fulfils the Baby Bentley-loving part of ED's brief, The Sun reports that Wayne Rooney's pregnant wife Coleen has booked herself in for a Caesarean section so that the her husband won't have to miss England's trip for their World Cup qualifier in Ukraine.

In a move that is sure to ring true with fans of her TV show Coleen's Real Women, a 'friend' revealed: "Coleen didn't want to be worrying about whether Wayne would be there or not - so she is being super-organised and has already pencilled in the date of the operation."

If things remain on schedule, then the little blighter could well be punching its first corner flag by December and sarcastically applauding authority figures by next March.

Source: Eurosport

Not pretty at City

City's gutless surrender to a side that had only won once away from home all season has heaped the pressure on manager Mark Hughes, who has presided over a recent run of five defeats in their last six games.

Nothing says 'You're getting sacked in the morning' like shots of a star player looking sullen on the bench as his team-mates struggle on the pitch, and the Eastlands fans greeted the introduction of Ched Evans ahead of Robinho with chants of "You don't know what you're doing", to add to the hard time they gave Hughes before the 3-1 defeat in Hamburg last week.

The mass exodus from home fans that followed Clint Dempsey's second goal and Fulham's third is a worrying sign that Sparky's fire may finally have gone out.

But, hang on a second - isn't all this a bit much?

With the UEFA Cup quarter-final second leg visit of Hamburg coming up on Thursday, Hughes defended his team selection by insisting that the most expensive player in Britain needed a rest. It's not that much of a stretch to see why someone who allegedly asks reception for 40 condoms while partying at a Brazilian hotel needs to put their feet up every now and then.

Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill was widely criticised - not least here - for playing a weakened side in Europe because he was prioritising a strong league finish. Now Hughes is getting abused for taking the exact opposite approach.

If anything, Robinho's lacklustre performance once he did eventually come on justified Hughes's selection, but let's not get bogged down with details.

Robinho was never meant to be a 90-minute, week-in week-out player. His best years at Real Madrid were spent generally either playing for the first hour or coming on for the final 30 minutes. If he had joined Chelsea as originally planned, he would most likely know every contour of Florent Malouda's hands from all that high-fiving when one replaced the other around the hour mark.

Few managers would refuse such a player if they are not pre-occupied with balancing the books, but Robinho was not a player Hughes actively pursued. Of the players he did target personally, how many of Craig Bellamy, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Shay Given, Vincent Kompany, Nigel de Jong and Wayne Bridge can be described as bad signings?

Securing European football for next season is obviously important if City's deluded owners still believe they can lure Kaka and his ilk to the club in the summer, but surely the club's long-suffering fans would rather end those '33 years and counting' jibes as soon as possible.

And as for those other recent defeats, they came at Chelsea, at Arsenal, at Bundesliga-chasing Hamburg and at Aalborg, a club that began the season in the Champions League. Hardly the most shameful record.

Like many other club's who live in the shadow of more illustrious neighbours, City fans have long sought credibility by projecting themselves as a 'real' club with 'real' fans.

However, less than two years after Stuart Pearce led them to a league finish just six points above relegation, many seem to have already forgotten where they came from.

Source: Eurosport

When will I be famous?

When was the last time Arsenal played a Champions League game on terrestrial television?

Early Doors reckons they have not been on at all this season, their last appearance coming in last year's quarter-final against Liverpool, when they were presumably deemed worthy of ITV1 by dint of being the other team in a Liverpool tie.

Anyway, for those Gooners still using a traditional telly with a bent coathanger sticking out the top, life must be a little frustrating.

Arsenal have played on the same night as Manchester United all this season, meaning ITV make the lazy assumption that more people will want to watch Clive Tyldesley's brave boys, even if they are playing Aalborg.

Admittedly, it is a lazy assumption based on extensive study of ratings and decades of experience, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear for any analogue Gooners.

Arsenal can be particularly galled today because their trip to face Villarreal in Spain looks a good deal more interesting that United at home to Porto, although both fixtures are a little bit old hat.

Not as much as Liverpool v Chelsea, of course, but the two ties have been done before.

Only the potentially excellent Barcelona v Bayern Munich tie seems fresh, and even they have almost certainly played before, just without ED noticing.

---

One reason to tune in to the United game is the possible appearance of Federico Macheda, who has been subjected to more unwarranted hype than Lady Gaga since his goal on Sunday.

Last week he could have gone on a drunken rampage through Manchester city centre and nobody would have recognised him - they would probably have assumed he was a Rangers fan who never made it home - now we are supposed to believe he is the new Ruud van Nistelrooy (or, as our poll suggests, the new Ole Gunnar Solskjaer).

Yesterday, Early Doors saw Macheda's goal replayed roughly 3,000 times on Sky Sports News, who showed it so frequently they must have been taking part in some wacky charity challenge to get as many Aston Villa players as possible to gouge their own eyes out.

Then came the live shots of him at training, narrated with a giddy breathlessness befitting, say, Nelson Mandela's release from Robben Island.

Here he is! In real time! A man who 48 hours ago we thought was a youthful groundsman! Now he's talking to Paul Scholes! I wonder what they are saying! Fascinating!

Basically, the world has become heartily sick of Macheda even though the poor lad has only played 29 minutes of first-team football.

Source: Eurosport

April Fool

Alan Shearer, Newcastle manager - it was only a question of when, and now we have the answer; at the worst possible moment.

The Geordie Messiah MK II has no coaching experience whatsoever and has only ever voiced his tactical blueprint from the comfort of a well-lit studio. Now he has eight games to keep Newcastle in the Premier League.

Owner Mike Ashley has made life even harder by waiting until three days before the end of a two-week break to make the switch, giving Shearer just enough time to introduce himself to his players before picking the team to play Chelsea on Saturday.

At least he won't have to waste time moving a bulky collection of medals into his new office.

While the change has been described as 'panic', ED wonders why it was not made earlier.

Chris Hughton may or may not be an excellent coach, but it has long been clear that his tenure as caretaker was going nowhere - the team have not won since February's game at West Brom, before which Joe Kinnear was taken ill.

ED is no medical expert, but it has long seemed clear that Kinnear would not return to the hot seat. Major heart surgery does not sound like the kind of thing you just bounce back from.

In another masterpiece of timing, the news became public just before midnight on March 31, giving everyone the opportunity to write it off as a joke.

Sensational it might be, but when people's first reaction on hearing the news is to enquire whether this is an April Fool, you cannot really consider that a good sign.

Considering Ashley's maverick style and the tribulations he has put the Newcastle faithful through, ED wouldn't entirely write off the prank idea just yet.

At the time of writing, there was still no official word from the club, leaving open the possibility that this is one of the biggest hoaxes since the Hitler Diaries, the moon landing or even the legendary 'made-up' drug, cake.

ED hopes Newcastle go the whole hog and pack 25,000 Geordies into St James' Park for Shearer's presentation, only for some insufferable Sky Sports News presenter to inform them that they have been had.

At that precise moment, a sky-writer plane will soar over the ground spelling out 'YOU MUGS' while the fans spontaneously throw their replica shirts at the presenter in disgust, causing him to choke to death on a combination of sweat, tattoo ink and body hair.

- - -

While the Shearer news could yet turn out to be a colossal pack of lies, here is something that is definitely true. We all know Fabio Capello does not like Peter Crouch, but now it becomes apparent how much.

Whether or not the England boss has really called up a middle-aged man to play against Ukraine, Capello was far from shy in making it very clear how reluctant he is to pick the gangly, robotic striker.

"My first idea was to have a forward who is fast and has movement," he said.

"Now it's another style with Crouch. He is not (Darren) Bent, he is not (Emile) Heskey, but we have to play with Crouch because he's now the best we have who can play."

So Crouch is England's fifth-choice striker behind Wayne Rooney, Heskey, Cole and Bent.

Although he is still ahead Gabriel Agbonlahor (one goal in 17 games), Michael Owen (about to be broken up and his parts sold for scrap) and Kevin Davies (just plain not very good), so that's some reason to be cheerful.

England's visitors have been almost completely ignored, with what little attention they have garnered going the way of Andriy Shevchenko who is apparently dangerous again now he has left Chelsea.

The question is - dangerous to whom? Certainly not opposition goalkeepers if this season's statistics are anything to go by.

Back at his spiritual home in Milan, Shevchenko has scored... oh, that's right, he hasn't scored a single league goal, and 11 of his 13 appearances have been from the bench.

No, the man in form is porn-haired Emmanuel Petit lookalike Andriy Voronin, who is so hot that any bodily contact with him would result in third-degree burns, the former Liverpool man having rattled in eight goals in his last seven games for Hertha Berlin.

Source: Eurosport

Getting Shirty

It is on days like this that newspaper editors earn their money, with not a shred of meaningful domestic news to report.

They must know their readers, and strive to cater to their unspoken desires. And when that fails, just stick in a few quotes from an England press conference.

Despite this cavalcade of guff, not one of the papers sees fit to give the fatal stadium crush in Ivory Coast any more than a passing nod.

The West African nation is deemed too distant, even though most of their top players are based in this country.

ED understands that readers may not want to read about a disaster several thousand miles away, but it is undeniably news - and it is not like anyone really cares what Lampard thinks about his polo shirt either.

- - -

Artur Boruc's Paul Robinson impression against Northern Ireland has seen him dropped from the Poland team, meaning it will be Lukasz Fabianski or Dundee United's Lukaz Zaluska leaning casually against his post for 90 minutes when San Marino visit on Wednesday.

Polish legend and Cloughie-endorsed 'clown' Jan Tomaszewski showed little sympathy for Celtic keeper Boruc, appearing to suggest that God is, in fact, a protestant.

Tomaszewski said: "Artur has no-one to blame but himself. You could say he has had a punishment from God. He started a religious war in Glasgow and now it's come back to haunt him."

Luckily, Poland are well-endowed in the goalkeeper department, providing players to sit on some of the most illustrious benches in world football.

Fabianski is Arsenal's back-up, while Tomasz Kuszczak and Jerzy Dudek perform a similar role for Manchester United and Real Madrid. Clearly, these Poles must have very warm buttocks.

- - -

Hull have submitted their evidence in the Cesc Fabregas 'spitting' row, presumably swabbing Brian Horton's shoes and sending the result off for DNA testing.

Clearly, the accusation will be thrown out on the grounds that it cannot be proven and Hull will respond with a predictable show of overblown dismay, having a good old whinge that it wouldn't be like this if the roles were reversed.

The claim that big clubs have it all their own way is increasingly common, and just as increasingly tiresome.

Yes, it is true that Jamie Carragher would have to murder an opposition striker in cold blood before any referee even considered awarding a penalty in front of the Kop, but this is not exactly a new phenomenon.

Hull just look a bit silly chasing this lost cause instead of concentrating on the fight against relegation.

Source: Eurosport

Who's the Daddy?

The world got that little bit more terrifying at the weekend as news broke that Wayne Rooney is going to be a dad.

Wife Coleen is already three months pregnant even though the pair apparently only started trying for a baby at Christmas.

That means Wayne must have hit the back of the net, if you will, within a week. Impressive stuff for a man sometimes accused of shooting blanks on the pitch.

Several papers attempt to draw a parallel between Coleen's expectant state and Wayne's increased maturity on the pitch against Slovakia on Saturday.

It is, obviously, a ridiculous argument. Rooney is described as mature because he managed to get through a meaningless international friendly without kicking anyone or questioning the referee's parentage.

And was Coleen any less pregnant when he went loco on the corner flag at Fulham a week ago?

As anyone familiar with the work of Shannon Matthews or that Max Clifford-backed 13-year-old 'dad' knows, having babies can be a lucrative business.

One agent, who had the gall to warn against excessive commercialisation, has claimed the Rooneys' tot could land them £5 million if they sign up for publicity deals.

These, presumably, will involve the following:

- An ITV2 show in which a team of cameras follow Coleen's every move. Laugh as Wayne lashes out at a cameraman! Cry as Coleen struggles to carry home all those Louis Vuitton bags! Scream as she spends the morning with her head in the toilet!

- Sponsorship deals based on Coleen's cravings. Imagine the marketing opportunities - 'Try peanut butter and asparagus bagels - as devoured by Coleen Rooney!'

- Advertising space on Coleen's expanded belly. What better way to place your product than for the nation to see it smothered in clear jelly as doctors conduct an ultrasound scan?

- OK! magazine purchases legal custody of Coleen's womb.

- Convoluted goal celebrations in which Wayne uses various products for babies. First he recreates the Carlos Tevez 'dummy' celebration, then he pulls on a pair of Pampers, then he places Paul Scholes in a baby booster car seat... you get the idea.

- - -

Rooney's two goals against Slovakia could not have been timed better, as all three of his strike partners went off injured.

Emile Heskey and Carlton Cole are out of Wednesday's game against Ukraine, while Peter Crouch is doubtful. Jermain Defoe and Gabriel Agbonlahor are also injured.

That resulted in the delightful spectacle of Fabio Capello ignoring Michael Owen and calling up Darren Bent instead.

The Owen PR machine continues to insist that he is still world-class and, hilariously, "not injury-prone" but Capello's snub could hardly have been more definite.

England are still a man short as Capello declined to pick a direct replacement for Heskey.

The Italian missed a trick by failing to call up Bobby Zamora. A big, strong, ungainly team player with two goals in 28 appearances this season - the Fulham man ticks all the boxes.

ED would rather see Zamora, knowing he cannot score but will contribute to the team, than the spectacularly wayward Bent.

- - -

You know those popular survival tips that supposedly help you in the event that a wild animal attacks you?

Things like; if a bear approaches you, sing to it; confuse a shark by punching it on the nose; as a crocodile prepares to bite you, wedge a piece of wood between its jaws.

Well, Early Doors has a new one. If Joey Barton attacks, play him a Frank Sinatra song.

Yes indeed, it appears the work of Ol' Blue Eyes is the only thing that can snap the Newcastle man out of his wild-eyed rage.

"It helps me relax. His music is so calming," said Barton, adding that the songs "get me in a good rhythm before stepping on to the pitch."

Although it is hard to be sure, as Barton has only made eight appearances for Newcastle this season.

Considering Barton's attacks on team-mate Ousmane Dabo and a teenager Jordan Spencer, Ol' Black Eyes might be a more appropriate nickname.

Source: Eurosport