Getting Shirty

It is on days like this that newspaper editors earn their money, with not a shred of meaningful domestic news to report.

They must know their readers, and strive to cater to their unspoken desires. And when that fails, just stick in a few quotes from an England press conference.

Despite this cavalcade of guff, not one of the papers sees fit to give the fatal stadium crush in Ivory Coast any more than a passing nod.

The West African nation is deemed too distant, even though most of their top players are based in this country.

ED understands that readers may not want to read about a disaster several thousand miles away, but it is undeniably news - and it is not like anyone really cares what Lampard thinks about his polo shirt either.

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Artur Boruc's Paul Robinson impression against Northern Ireland has seen him dropped from the Poland team, meaning it will be Lukasz Fabianski or Dundee United's Lukaz Zaluska leaning casually against his post for 90 minutes when San Marino visit on Wednesday.

Polish legend and Cloughie-endorsed 'clown' Jan Tomaszewski showed little sympathy for Celtic keeper Boruc, appearing to suggest that God is, in fact, a protestant.

Tomaszewski said: "Artur has no-one to blame but himself. You could say he has had a punishment from God. He started a religious war in Glasgow and now it's come back to haunt him."

Luckily, Poland are well-endowed in the goalkeeper department, providing players to sit on some of the most illustrious benches in world football.

Fabianski is Arsenal's back-up, while Tomasz Kuszczak and Jerzy Dudek perform a similar role for Manchester United and Real Madrid. Clearly, these Poles must have very warm buttocks.

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Hull have submitted their evidence in the Cesc Fabregas 'spitting' row, presumably swabbing Brian Horton's shoes and sending the result off for DNA testing.

Clearly, the accusation will be thrown out on the grounds that it cannot be proven and Hull will respond with a predictable show of overblown dismay, having a good old whinge that it wouldn't be like this if the roles were reversed.

The claim that big clubs have it all their own way is increasingly common, and just as increasingly tiresome.

Yes, it is true that Jamie Carragher would have to murder an opposition striker in cold blood before any referee even considered awarding a penalty in front of the Kop, but this is not exactly a new phenomenon.

Hull just look a bit silly chasing this lost cause instead of concentrating on the fight against relegation.

Source: Eurosport